Happy New Year :)

Thank you to my family and friends for ALL your support this year. I could not have made it without you. I feel so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.



I love you and may everyone have a wonderful New Year!

Arrrggghhhhhh!

Today while obsessing about my hair in the mirror, I noticed a few things. First, I am growing just as many gray hairs as brown ones! Something tells me it is going to get much worse before it gets better. I am also losing my eyebrows :( Not sure why now but they came out 3 to 4 at a time...I look like a goof! Oh, I am a goof.

If I have learned anything on this journey it's to never expect anything and you never know what the next day brings. So while other parts of my body are sprouting new hairs, the others are losing them....

I think I look sickly in this picture but Brian made a good point. This is me and this is now :)

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas :)

Merry Christmas!

Chemo Brain

It does exist! I think this is pretty funny! Not only is there no postage, there is NO address! :)
Happy Holidays

Bone scan

What a day! I went to Norfolk General hospital around 8:00 and checked in for my test today. They gave me some injection and told me it was be 2 hours before my test. I went to the cafeteria and passed the time with a peppermint latte and some mindless surfing on the computer.
The test was easy, just lie there and be still. The worst part is they put your legs and arms in restraints...I promised I would behave, but they did it anyway. I guess this is to prevent you from moving while the test is going on. Also, the machine comes so close to your face it almost touches it! So, if you are claustrophobic, then this IS NOT the test for you.
I waited until 12:15 until they called me back only to tell me that my bladder was in the way of the particular area they were trying to look at. Apparently I have some spot on my hip that they need to make sure isn't anything to be concerned about. So now I get to go back at 7am and take more pictures.
After the hospital I went straight to my radiation appointment. I can't stand when this disease takes up my whole day. It really sucks!

Thanks to Brian for helping me out and having a big smile on his face when I walked in the door totally frustrated. I could not do this without him :)

Hey Santa, can I get a ride?

My new friend for the next 6 weeks!

Here is the wonderful machine that I get to hook up with everyday. The nurses are great and they have a good sense of humor. The machine basically rotates around my body and makes some funny noises. The process takes about 5 minutes, it takes me longer to get undressed :)

I had my check up with the oncologist on Friday and everything seems to be going as planned. I am right on schedule with my treatment. He had me try a new drug to help with my hot flashes (which, by the way I think I am WAY to young for) Well, I took the first dose and I just can't seem to tolerate this type of drug. It makes me feel really bad and I think I will just tolerate hot flashes for now. I did buy some natural supplements and hopefully that will help too.
I still have my medi port and have to get that flushed every 4-6 weeks or so. They seem to want to keep this in until after radiation for a "just in case" situation. I don't really agree with that so, after my bone scan, I am going to ask to have it removed. The flushing just brings back bad memories and I would just like to leave all that behind me.

I am feeling pretty good and I just know that the more time that passes, the better off I will be.

Elfin'

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

You've got to be kidding me!

Originally I was supposed to start radiation on Tuesday but instead they just took photos and made more marks on my chest. It looks like a sharpie had a party there.
So, yesterday (Wed) was the official start date.
I was nervous all morning, don't really know why either. I guess I did not know what to expect and I did not know how it would feel. So, I put Brooke down for her nap and race out the door. It takes me about 15 minutes to get to the doctor's office.

Time in: 1:22
Time out: 1:40
Time on the table: 3 minutes

They laid me on the table and the machine, which looks like a big x-ray type thing went around my body full circle. It made a few clicking and buzzing noises along the way. Then they came and turned on the lights and said, "All done". I said, what are you joking. I drove all this way for that? How crazy!

So, I am thinking this will be a breeze! The biggest pain is actually taking part out of the middle of the day to get there. :)

A watched head never grows!

This weekend we put up all our Christmas decorations, including our beautiful tree. Carson had such a great time and kept saying, I remember this! I used to love seeing all the Christmas decor, still do. Brian even made our front yard look like a real winter wonderland with all the lights! We have our little Christmas magnolia tree which we planted in the fall.
I must admit I am not as much in the spirit as I usually am :( The best thing I can think of is this year is almost over! It's been quite a year for our family.

Yesterday, Carson's hamster Izzy died too. Carson took it very hard and a good lesson learned on all parts. We put her in a little box and decorated it and her funeral will be this afternoon. ;( We will all miss Izzy around here.

I start radiation on Tues and I go everyday at 1:20....so if you look at your clock one day for the next six weeks, at 1:20, you know what I will be doing. I am hoping to have this down to a science where I can put Brooke down for a nap and have Brian keep an ear out for her. We will try this and see how well it works....keeping our fingers crossed!

I am feeling much better from my horrible cold and glad to be among the living again.

Sooooo, what does Suzanne want for Christmas this year? Ok, peace, love, happiness all that goes without saying. I really want some hair, Santa! I've been a good girl and I just want my hair to start growing at a nice rapid pace :) Remember those dolls, you could just pull there hair and it would be long. Yes, that is a bit of what I am thinking. HA HA!

Chins up, and on with my day!

Giving thanks

We had a super Thanksgiving and really enjoyed some quality family time. WE cooked the whole dinner ourselves and I think Brian and I had more fun that day than the kids. I've had a bad cold that I can't seem to get rid of.

I went to the Doctor to set up my radiation treatments. This process seems pretty simple and the only downfall is you have to go everyday for 6 weeks.
When I went today they did a CT scan and marked my chest with a sharpie! I am supposed to keep these marks on through the whole process. The marks tell them how to line me up with the machine. Some places put a permanent tattoo and others use the marker. I start my treatment on Tuesday. The side effects should be pretty mild, sunburn on the area and later some fatigue! I am sure it can't be any worse than what I've already been through.

I want to be normal

I have felt really good this week, not sure it's that I know chemo is over or I've just been to busy to let it get to me. I still have a sore mouth and fatigue but in general I feel pretty good.

I had a mammogram on Friday and it looked great :) I was so relieved! I also have an appointment with the radiation oncologist on December 2nd. If all goes well I should start radiation on Dec 5th. I believe its 35 treatments, EVERYDAY for 6 weeks :) WOO HOO! Well, at least I won't feel sick anymore and maybe some hairs might start growing back.

I can't tell you how much I am ready to get back to normal and feel like me again....whatever that means :)

Pink Party

Whitney and I (a friend and survivor)


Good Times ;)
We had a super time on Friday night! I was surprised by a "SAVED the Ta Tas" cake! I could not have asked for a better night. I felt good and had so much fun. More pictures to come.....

Friends :)

Here I sit for my last chemo today. When I walked in here, I was so happy. I then found out one of the ladies who I had become friends with had passed away last week. The ironic thing is that I had hats for her that my Mom had made and planned on surprising her with them. Boy, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I was sobbing for what seemed like forever. This was very unexpected and her husband had been right be her side this whole time. Her name was Miriam and she had the best personality, her cancer had spread to her lungs and her spine.......I guess sometimes, sadly, cancer wins ;(

Speaking of surprises, I turned the corner to come down to the chemo room and there stood Beth, Traci, and Jenny. What great friends :) They had balloons, necklaces and sparkling grape juice! I really needed that after the news I had just been given.
This cancer stuff is hard and it is an emotional roller coaster! I am just thankful that I have wonderful people in my life (ALL of you) to help me make it through all this and still have a smile on my face.

The Wig ain't my gig!

OH my Gosh,
So...I either waited too long to get a wig or my hair was just so fabulous that nothing compares to it! I went to the Cancer Society and got my wig, but it just was not what I thought it was going to be. The lady who helped me said that it was rare to get wigs that were 100% human hair ( I must admit that is did "feel" good on my head) but the longer I wore it, the goofier I looked. :( I will try and wash it and maybe style it again but, don't count on any pictures of me with a wig on...I think the Halloween wig was it for me.I was so looking forward to having some hair, but I guess I will have to wait for the real deal.
I am so excited about tomorrow! After #6, we are having a PINK party with some of my friends to celebrate the last treatment. I usually feel good on Fridays so it should be really fun.

Funny pic

Here is a pic from our night at a Halloween party! This made me want to go and get a wig! It was the first time I had put on any wig through all this. I felt like a different person with hair again.(and it was a gross acrylic one at that ) I knew how much I missed my hair but, did not really realize how complete it made me. It was nice to go and be normal that night, as everyone else had on some bad hair too. We did not know a whole bunch of people so it made it extra fun just to be me again and not "cancer girl".

Halloween candy is evil!

I am feeling pretty good these days and only have some minor issues. I seem to be really on edge lately and think its just due to hormones (or lack there of) :( I don't think there is even a remedy for that, since I can no longer take any type of estrogen. I am in a "menopause" of some sort. I think I am way to young for that but....it is what it is :)

I have been eating Carson and Brooke's candy like crazy. I think it might be making me feel better :) That is my drug of choice these days.

Please keep my Dad in your prayers. He is doing well, but I know he has a long road ahead of him :)

Trick R Treat

WE are so blessed to live in such a great neighborhood! Everyone had such a great time and so many people were out. I think it had to be one of the best Halloweens ever! Brooke really loved carrying her pumpkin and walking up to each house, she could not say "trick or treat" but, did say thank you :) Carson was being too cool and he was running way ahead with all his friends.

I am feeling much better, still get tried easily and my mouth has lots of sores in it...but that will not stop me!

I am counting the days!

Cancer won by a knock out!

Wow, all I can say is I can't wait to be done! I have felt so bad the last few days! I feel sorry for Brian having to watch me in my agony. Thanks Brian for making it OK to be miserable.

I stayed in bed for 2 days feeling really horrible. I felt like I had a bad case of the flu and had worked out at the gym and was really sore. I did have some major nausea this time too. My meds did seem to be able to manage that. I am also super sensative to smells. I can smell the dog, the hamster, the trash, and even the meat on a sandwhich...it's the worst! Everything smells and taste really funky!!

My favorite Brooke moment this week is when she walked in my bedroom with a light bulb in her mouth. I thought she might be practicing for Halloween, stating the obvious that she wanted to be a lamp instead of a pink pretty thing. :) Poor child, having to play with light bulbs :)

I now feel human again and I am so happy that I can enjoy Halloween! I hope that I am on the final stretch and only feel better from here on out.

My Dad has joined my club and unfortunately will have radiation and chemo on his throat area. He had his surgery yesterday and they found cancer on his tongue! HE is in great spirits and I know he will do well. My sister and brother who live in Texas have pitched in to help take care of him. HE is now resting at my sisters house which is a great place for him to be.
It is SOOOO hard not to be there to give him a big hug but he said he was OK and I can go and visit him later when I get done with my Chemo (Nov 14th is the LAST ONE). I am just thankful he is an otherwise healthy man.
I think this gives us a new appreciation for one another :) I LOVE YOU DAD!!

Numero cinco

Unfortunately I did not take a picture of my fabulous day yesterday but, just know it went great as always. I can't tell you how thrilled I am to only be ONE treatment away from being done. I got home around 4 o'clock, just in time for a quick dinner and then take the kids to Carson's fall festival at school. That was a bit much as it seemed like there were kids everywhere and it just got louder and louder. Brooke got her hair painted hot pink and a tattoo, thanks to Daddy :)

We had a great time and both mine and Brian's ears were ringing for a few hours after the final cupcake walk.

The show must go on. I am going out to try and find a costume for Brooke, AGAIN. I just can't seem to find exactly what I want yet :)

My Dad

Please everyone keep my Dad in your thoughts and prayers. He will be having a difficult surgery on Wednesday, October 29th. I hate that I am so far away and I cannot be there for him. It is so frustrating!

I am feeling great and ready for #5...yeah NUMBER FIVE :) :) One more and I am done!!

Komen Race

As most of you know I am not a morning person, especially when it is rainy and cold. Thanks to Brian and my friend Beth...I got my butt out of bed and got ready.

As we headed down to the beach, I could not believe the turnout! So many people and to think I was just going to stay in bed.

They had a survivor tent with lots of goodies and a pat on the back for fighting a good fight. Once the race started, I was good to go! The rain held out until about the halfway point and then it was just a little misty!

The doctor who sponsored me (who is my OB/GYN) walked with us the whole way which was really fun.

Afterward, we all went to breakfast and celebrated with some mimosas :) It was a really fun day and I am so glad I did it!

Thank you to all of you who supported this great cause! I can't wait to do it again next year :)

Ocracoke!

Thanks to Gramms, Brian and I managed a small trip to Ocracoke this past weekend. Despite the rain and some car trouble, we had such a great time. It was so fun to just have some time to ourselves. I actually read books and watched movies!! We met some great people and hope to see them again. I think we decided we need to go there more often, even with kids, it is such a cool place.

Happy Birthday Brian

To the most wonderful husband.... I love you and Happy Birthday!

FOUR!!

Can you believe it? Four down and only two more to go :) :) I am feeling the usual stuff and taking it easy as best as I can! My Mom is here visiting and it's nice to have an extra set of hands to help.

We've been decorating for Halloween and having lots of fun :) She has painted pumpkins, made a wreath, and this week might start on costumes! Thanks goodness Gramms has talent :)

We also have a new addition to our family! A new panda bear hamster named Izzy! She is really cute and we are all fascinated with her.

Greeting cards

If you've been wondering, "What does she do with all the cards I send her?" Well, I've been collecting them and this morning I put them all together and here is the collage I made with my Mom :) I used a piece of EVERY card I've been sent since the beginning of all this :)

Thank you so much for all your well wishes throughout this. Every card and every word you send means the world to me :) :)

I am sleepy!

I have been feeling pretty good this last week! Extremely tired ALL the time and lazy...I need to get back to exercising but it's really hard.
I don't know how to shake the feeling of just wanting to sleep in bed all day. OH I know, a 18th old...that will do the trick :)
My Mom is coming for 2 weeks and I can't wait. She will be good at taking charge and letting me rest. I hope we just don't get too focused on all the projects we want to do. She is super fun and we will have a good time.

My little girl is growing up way to fast. As I type this, she is eating her cereal with a spoon in a bowl. What happend to feeding yourself with your hands? I hate that this all goes by way to fast.

Air show!

This was my first air show. Last year I tried to go and after being there for about 5 minutes a pilot crashed and the rest of the day was cancelled.

SO a funny story, after watching the Blue Angels perform and loving every minute of it......we went to our car and found not just one but TWO flat tires.

Apparently there were some spikes in a field that we parked in. I found this out because I stepped on them with my flip flops and it put three holes in my shoes. SO, we called the military police (we were on the navy base) and filled out a police report.

Ok, I am getting to the funny part...the guy asks me the following questions...height..weight....eye color...HAIR COLOR...ummm that would be none :) He could not help but chuckle a bit too. I was cracking up, first time having NO hair color to document.

So, come to find out, if you have a flat tire on government property, they will pay for it :) Well, it was pretty much their fault. I am sure we will have a check by Christmas :)

We had a great day, and I am feeling much better :)

Trying to come up for air

Chemo number three really kicked my BUTT! So the first few days afterward you feel great, you are still high from steroids then...you crash. Sunday I could barely even get out of bed. The nausea this time has been really bad and the meds have not helped as much. I hate this feeling and would do anything to feel better.

It has taken three days and I am just now trying to feel normal. My mouth has this hideous taste and no matter what I eat or drink, it does not help. I am worried about what the next few treatments will do to me. I tried to go to the gym but, just felt too sick.

I think it just gets worse each time and you just have deal with it as it comes. I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes ;0)! That is something to celebrate, right?

Round 3

Today I am officially HALF WAY done with chemo! WOO HOO :) It was fine and now I just wait and see what great side effects I get. So far I am just a little tired.

I got great compliments on my T-shirt today. IF you can't read it, it says " I'm having a NO hair day". Everyone loved it!! Thanks Karen J :)

Hope everyone has a great weekend. Carson has his first soccer game in the AM too. GO LIONS! Can't wait to see how that goes.

The Wives Club

I am not a member of this club but I totally want to give kudos to all that are. I have many friends that have husbands who are far away from home right now. Last night my neighbor, who is a pilot, left his family for 7 months. The look on his face when he walked out the door was just the saddest thing I've seen in quite some time.

So, to all you girls that do it alone everyday and still keep smiling, I applaud you. I know that "C" (cancer) comes before "D" (deployment) but in my book you are all much stronger and braver than I am.

I guess we all have crosses to bear and one way or another we manage to get through it all.

Two Peas in a Pod

Enjoy :)

First Day of School :)

Today was Carson's first day of first grade!  He seemed to have a great day and so did Mommy :) Even though the look on his face does not appear to say how excited he really is.

I have found the trick to coffee too, make it a latte:) If I add tons of milk and cream and a spot of coffee, it taste great :)

I was up way early this morning...that is something I will have to get used to again.  We sleep late here (well, Brooke and I do).  It's not too bad, he catches the bus at 7:50.  Don't laugh

a girl needs her beauty rest!

 

Disappointed

This weekend I should be posting a picture of me holding a medal from the Rock n Roll Half Marathon race.  Unfortunately, I was unable to run.  I could barely peel myself from the couch on Saturday, so I knew a 13 mile run on Sunday was out of the question.   It has been a really hard week for me :(  I am so not used to being held back because of the way my body feels.

I am finally starting to come out of my "chemo funk" today and hope this will be a better week.  

Carson starts the first grade tomorrow and I am so excited.  Yes, I admit the 8-3:30 full day will be a nice treat.  I think Brooke and I can have some Mommy and me bonding time which will be really nice.

Goodbye Summer :)  We had such a great time!

Round 2 WON!

This round was definitely harder than the last.  I have felt really down and out the last few days and hope now I can pick myself back up.

My main symptom was fatigue and the horrible taste in my mouth.  It makes everything taste weird, would you believe I have not had any coffee in days!  I just can't stand the taste of it right now.  The nausea is well controlled with the meds as well as the heartburn.  I take a pill for everything now!

Carson finally came home today :) So happy!  It was nice to have a little break but I am so glad he is home.  He seemed to have a nice visit and it all went well which is good.  Carson did not see me without hair when he left so when I raced up to hug him he was a little shocked.   It was so cute, he said he would not laugh at me and promised to still love me no matter what. :)

Thanks to all of you who called and checked on me and for all the love and support.  It really helps to know I have so many people behind me :)  

Same song and dance!

So, Round 2 went pretty well. I felt more tired in the evening and did not sleep worth a darn last night. This morning was pretty rough as well but, I just got up and tried to stay busy! I feel like the minute I sit still and think I am not doing well, then I won't.

MIND OVER MATTER!

We went to the beach tonight and I told Brian, I could never get tired of looking out into the horizon. It is the most peaceful and relaxing feeling to me. A glass of wine did not hurt either.

So, lets just hope things keep cruising along and I can manage my side effects a little better this time since I know more what to look for.

Love to you all :)

Family Time

Tracy and Meredith headed home today ;) We had such a nice visit and I will miss them very much. We went down to the oceanfront last night and did it up tourist style. I think we went into every gift shop.

I am feeling great but, very worn out from all the going and doing. It will be nice to just hang out for a few days before my next treatment which is Friday. My only wish is that I could feel this great through the process. Like I've said before it's the not knowing that just kills me! I guess it's just a waiting game now.

Keep you posted :)

Hair montage :)

Brian made a really cool montage of my hair! WOW, kinda crazy how my hair has changed over the past few months.

My head shaving went really well. My stylist, Marci made it so comfortable and fun! We first went with the Mohawk and took some great photos. Then she came at me with the clippers and after the first swipe, I LOST IT! It just finally sunk in that I was going to be bald and for a really long time to. We all laughed and we cried and it turned out not so bad. Brian said he thinks I really look cute ;) He is so nice !!!

Gettin' wiggy with it???

I am starting to lose my hair a little and that is a bit freaky! I guess you can never be fully prepared until it happens. I am going wig shopping on Saturday just for the fun of it and to see if I would even like a wig. Would not hurt to have one "just in case" :)

Other than the hair thing, I am feeling great! I got a new road bike and went on a 21 mile bike ride on Wednesday morning :) It was really fun and I was proud to have made it that far without killing myself!

We are having a great time with Meredith! We've been to the beach, shopping, and today waterpark! Tomorrow is rest day I think ;)

Day 10

Good news today. I went back to the doctor and my counts are back up!!

WBC is now 8.06
ANC is now 5.63

SO excited, I think we need to have a party :)

THE NUMBERS SAY IT ALL

WE HAVE HAD A BIT OF A SET BACK. I STILL FEEL REALLY GOOD BUT WHEN I WENT TO THE DOCTOR ON FRIDAY THE LABWORK TOLD A DIFFERENT STORY.

HERE ARE THE NUMBERS:

WBC: 1.75 RANGE: 4.10-10.90
NEU 0.41 RANGE: 2.0-6.9

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absolute_neutrophil_count


THE "NEU" IS ANOTHER TYPE OF WHITE BLOOD CELL CALLED NEUTROPHIL. SO, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? BASICALLY THAT IF I WERE TO GET SICK, I WOULD BE MORE PRONE TO INFECTION. MY BODY DOES NOT HAVE THE WHITE CELLS TO FIGHT AN INFECTION LIKE IT USED TO.
I HAD TO CANCEL OUR CHEMOPALOOZA PARTY TONIGHT WHICH WAS A COMPLETE BUMMER. I WAS TOLD TO STAY AWAY FROM GROUPS OF PEOPLE AND REALLY WATCH MYSELF.

I ALSO HAVE GI TOXICITY WHICH MEANS MY GI TRACT FROM MY MOUTH (WHICH HAS A FEW SORES) DOWN TO THE OTHER END ARE NOT HAPPY WITH THE MEDICATIONS WHICH ARE FLOWING THROUGH MY BODY. I HAD TO GO GET SALINE IV's ON FRIDAY AND SATURDAY FOR HYDRATION.

THE FUNNY THING IS I FEEL PRETTY DARN GOOD AND IT'S SO HARD TO BE SICK WHEN I DON'T FEEL SICK.

I AM GOING TO TRY AND TAKE IT EASY AND DO BETTER AT EATING AND DRINKING MORE HEALTHY. IT'S SO HARD TO DO WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN HEALTHY YOUR WHOLE LIFE TO NOW HAVE HEALTH ISSUES AND REALLY HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR HABITS.

Lickity-split

Let me just start out saying...I LOVE SURPRISES :) and last night was the best! We had our friends Joe and Amy over for dinner. After dinner, we headed out for dessert at "Lickity-split"(a new ice cream place that I had never heard of)....well about half way there, I noticed tons and tons of traffic. Still not suspecting anything, they just said, "maybe there is an accident".

We then passed the place for the ice cream and all I saw was a big sign that said CONCERT PARKING! I looked at Brian and said, we are not going for ice cream are we??? He just SMILED AT ME! We were going to Dave Matthews! WOO HOO :) :) They had this all planned out and he had bought the tickets months ago! Meredith (my niece) is here so we had a built in babysitter!

What a fun night, I sang and danced like a fool! Thank you Brian, Joe, and Amy! I had an awesome time and I look forward to next year :)

The Beginning of Chemopalooza!

For all the nerves that I had built up yesterday, my day was not that bad at all. I had and easy time and the nurse was very good at explaining exactly what was going on. It was a long day but in the end I felt really good.

I woke up this morning feeling a little tired and groggy but as soon as I had my coffee I was good to go. I went for a little walk/jog with my exercise partner Bella (our black lab). I'm still trying to take it easy, we only went a couple miles. I was happy that I could jog a little... it was the first time since the port was implanted on Monday.

I keep waiting and waiting for some awful thing to happen or for me to run to the bathroom and let loose! So far, I am feeling quite normal. I have heard from several people that it's pretty easy at first and does not really hit you for quite sometime. Everyone is different, right? My new philosophy is to just go about my day normally and then if I need to rest, I will. I still have to take care of two children...darn, I thought would get me a free pass for a nanny :)

My kids are one of the reasons I can be so strong. I love them so much and love hanging out with them. When I told Carson, "hey Buddy, Mom got her cancer medicine today," he said... "oh, ummm can I have something to eat? I am hungry!" NICE...that is what will keep me grounded and smiling too.

The "cocktail" I get is called TAC. This picture is me with the first med I got called Adriamycin (or doxorubicin). It's quite an interesting drug. It's the "killer" that takes care of all those nasty cancer cells that might be hiding. The nickname for the drug is "RED DEVIL" Whew, that says it right there! It's also what's going to make my hair fall out. It only took 10 or 15 minutes for that bag to empty. Next was Cytoxan which took about 30 minutes then Taxotere which took about an hour. The day after chemo, I get a shot to stimulate bone marrow and boost my white blood cells. The drug is called Neulasta and is supposed to make me feel tired. More to come!

Thanks to all of you who read my BLOG :) It means so much to me!

Purty flowers

My Mom sent me these beautiful flowers today!

What do you do on the day before chemo? You feel like your life is about to change and there is nothing you can do to stop it. I went to the dentist (who is a breast cancer survivor) and got a cavity filled. I then went to get another x-ray of my pelvis to make sure all was clear.
I got the phone call at 4:55 to tell me that I will be on the TAC combo for my treatment! That means I will take Taxotere, Adriamycin, and Cytoxan and more meds afterward to be picked up at the pharmacy! It's a bit overwhelming for someone who only took ONE pill her whole life.

My neighbor watched the kids, put them to bed, and did my dishes tonight while Brian and I went out for coffee :) We spent the first 30 minutes just driving around talking. It is rare to get 30 uninterrupted minutes to talk.

I believe there are 2 horrible things to all this so far. #1-losing my hair (has to be the hardest thing to deal with so far) I look in the mirror and I don't even see me anymore...plus it's just going to get worse. #2-not having a clue how and when these drugs will effect me. I want to know what day I will feel like crap. The not knowing is really hard.

Goodnight, I am off to bed...I will be wearing my "Cancer Sucks" shirt tomorrow :) I truly belive that statement.

third time is the charm

Hopefully, this will be my last surgery for a while :)

I am getting good at this

Surgery went well and the port is in! It feels like someone punched me in the chest and it was really sore today. I went for a walk tonight and tried to run and ahhh did not work so well. Hopefully, in a few days it will be better.

I can't believe Friday is the big day :) It seems like I've been talking about this for a long time now. I want to say that I am so ready, but I am SO NOT!

WE told Carson last night. I gave him much more credit about the whole thing. All he cared about was me losing my hair and how silly I would look :) Kids, gotta love 'em!

The Haircuts!!

Today I went and got the haircut! I swear, I used to have this doo in the 8th grade :) My hairdresser cried when I told her why I had to cut my hair all off. She knows me very well and knows this is NEVER a style that I would intentionally have. She made it so much easier to deal with all the emotion. BOY, you just don't know how much your hair defines you, until you have to deal with the loss of it.

SO then my friend Traci went and cut all her hair off too! I could not ask for a better friend :) Made my day when she came in the house and I felt like I was not alone today! Thank you Traci for hanging by my side :) GIRL POWER! We think we look like boys but, hey it'll grow back. Hers sooner than mine!

It's been a crazy day today. I made a homemade cheesecake to celebrate the losing of such great hair!

I am shocked about the poll and wearing a wig! I guess I might have go and look at wigs now??

Brian's new doo!

I go on Saturday for my chop chop! Brian beat me to the punch and got his buzz on! If you talk to him, please tell him NOT to shave his head! He looks great just like this :)

Carson lost his first tooth today :)

WOW, how time flies! WE are going to get a visit from the tooth fairy tonight :) SO COOL! I can't believe how big Carson is getting. We are going to have a talk with him on Sunday so he can have just a clue of what is going on with me. I bet you anything he already knows something is up because he already hears me talk on the phone and with friends. I just want to prepare him for my journey...not too much info but, enough to wear he knows what is up with Mom. Thank goodness Brooke is too small and will not even remember this.

I have my mediport insertion next Monday and will start the big fun on August 1st! I only have 2 doctor appointments this week..WOO HOO.

My Mom sent me a really cool purse I wanted and my first PINK bandanna ;) Brian got his hair buzzzzed today and he looks really cute. He wants to shave his head, but I think the buzz look is good enough for me. We don't need 3 bald heads in our house :)
I am getting my hair all chopped off later this week too. I figure the soon I part with the hair the better.

Don't take your baby to your Dr. appt

SO I think I have had a Dr's appt everyday this week! I am kinda sick of waiting rooms. I ended up taking Brooke with me today and it was a little hard. I could not really focus on what people were telling me. I need to be better at asking people to help me. I stink at that and hope to get better as time goes on.

So, I will start chemo (if everything goes as planned) on August 1st. I will have a total of 6 treatmenst every 3 weeks. I will be on 2 or 3 different drugs depending on the study. All the medications are "standard of care" so I am not going to be a guinea pig for anything new.

More later....I am tired and want to hang out with the kids :)

Careful what you wish for

So, the Dr. today says that I am going to have chemo! My oncotype came back pretty high, which surprised Brian and I both. It was 72 out of 100! My Dr. said he had made the decision of chemo before he had seen the test so, that made me feel a little better. Hey, I said I wanted to do chemo, right? I guess it's just different when it becomes reality.

They asked me to do a Clinical Trial and I said ABSOLUTELY! I can't imagine saying no since that has been my career for the last 13 years! It's an open label study and all the drugs are FDA approved! More details on all that later.

So, when do I start? Well, I have to go and have a heart scan today to make sure this old ticker is ready for what we are about to put it through. Then 7/28 I have my port put in. SOOO I suspect this will all start around the end of July or first of August. I am ready to get the show on the road! The quicker we start, the quicker we can be done :)

I am going to go and get another haircut because I can't stand the thought of my hair coming out in clumps :( I LOVE MY HAIR SO MUCH and it will be missed terribly. But, it does grow back!!

Keep me in your prayers and thank you for all the love and support :)

Fourth of July

We had a super day on the 4th with the exception of one JELLYFISH! When this happened, others at the beach had found jellyfish and we just told the kids to be careful. Carson came out of the water screaming and crying, it was awful. At first, you could not really tell how bad the sting was! Later that day it looked so bad...this picture is after 24 hours.
We called the ER and they told us to put vinegar on it! It helped quite a bit but Carson now smells like a salad :) What a champ he was and NOW he wants to know all about jellyfish. I guess a trip to the library is in order. Let's just hope this does not make him scared to hit the beach again ;)

It was definitely a memorable day!

Question

Just curious, if you had an "option" to get chemotherapy, would you?? Please take the poll to the right :)

A little trip

We decided to tag along with Brian on one of his business trips! We had lots of fun just hanging out and getting away from home.

I am doing OK, still lots of pain and I doing my best to just proceed with life as normal! I am thankful that there IS A breast there to have PAIN :)

I have an appointment on July 14th with the oncologist..hope that means more answers to many questions.

The waiting is the hardest part!

If there is one thing I've learned since I started this journey is, you MUST be patient. I don't know much more today than I did yesterday. I learned that chemo is still a possibility. I am so OK with that because for some weird reason it feels like I won't lick this thing until I go through it all!! I am really fine either way:)

So, for now I am healing :) and waiting for my oncotype! I also have to see the oncologist at some point too.

I just wish this ride went just a little bit faster....but it is all a process and I'm certain that I am in good hands. Isn't it funny I want to rush all this?? I should rejoice today that I feel good and have energy to get out of bed and play with my kids.

It's put a bit of a damper on my summer plans with not knowing the treatment plan and I am sorry for all that!

Carson :)

We have had our tent set up in the backyard for a few days now. We had a family camp out on Saturday night. Carson decides that last night he wants to spend one more night in the tent before Brian takes the tent down! I had already talked him out of one night because I told him it was going to rain.

So, he insists and Brian and I agree. I think the only think keeping me sane was knowing our 90 pound puppy Bella was out there protecting him. I left 3 lights on and the door unlocked and heard every little noise last night.

Brian went to check on him at 5:30 and he was still sound asleep. Again, around 7ish and he was in the tent happy as could be and playing with Bella :)
Makes me feel so silly but, I am a Mom and there is a part of me that does not want Carson to grow up and be so brave!!

He had a blast and I am happy the tent is going to be down by this afternoon.

I am feeling somewhat better...I have a few great days and then some not so great days. I don't rest enough and I can't seem to sit still most of the time.
I go back to the doctor tomorrow for my post-op check up and will let you know what they say :)

Hip Hip Hooray!

ALL good news yesterday! The margins are clear in the remaining tissue that was removed AND lymph nodes are NEGATIVE!! They took out 10 and all are clear.

This means no more surgery for me (as you can tell by the beautiful picture) that is good news. I still have to have one more NEG from the Oncotype (a test that determines the likliehood of the cancer reoccuring and also assess the benefits of chemo) to be in the clear for NO chemo.

I wil find out on Thursday what the next step is. I am sure I will start radiation soon and then Tamoxifen for 5 years!

No complaints here, I am so thankful because I know it could be so much worse.

Recovery

Whew,

This surgery has been really hard on me! I am really sore under my arm and all bruised up! Hope to hear some news today and feel better too.

Happy Anniversary!

Life is good when you are married to your best friend!

SURGERY:

So, I think yesterday was the longest day of my life. We arrived at the hospital at 8am and I got prepped for surgery. I found out my case was not until 1:15!! Brian and I were freaking out...what are we going to do for all this time. I had to get injected with dye around 10 o'clock but really how long could that take. I went down to get the dye injections...4 small bee stings the guy tells me and he was right :( I was sent back upstairs and waited an waited...went through a whole liter of saline and was going to the bathroom like no one's business. I was terrified I was going to have an accident in the OR. Around 2:00 the Dr. came and we got started. All I remember was laughing and then off to la-la land for me.

When I woke up, my boob was ON FIRE...it hurt so bad and I told the Dr. "you hurt me"...she just laughed. She has the absolute BEST sense of humor and I am soooo glad I have my fate in her hands :) I spend a few hours in recovery and then at 5:15 I was wheeled out to the car.

My throat hurt really bad and still lots of pain in the boob and under my arm. I went to bed about 10 and got a pretty decent nights sleep.

Thank you SO SO MUCH to Traci and Whitney for watching our kids ALL day long. It was good to know they were in such great hands :) Also, to Brian of course for keeping me laughing all day and never complaining about anything. He was a trooper the whole day :)

Hopefully, we will hear some good news on Friday :) Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers :)

Father's Day

To the most wonderful husband and father in the world. We love you and thank you for all your hard work to take care of our family.

To all the other Dads...Happy Father's Day :)

Only 2 more days until surgery :) WOO HOO!

Happy Summer :)

I am feeling so good :) Hard to believe anything is wrong with me.

Class of 2020

Wow! Can you believe that? Today Carson graduated from Kindergarten...it's a huge deal now. They have a ceremony with cap and gown. Then photo ops with cookies and punch afterwards.

It's quite funny! Just to see all those little kids looking so grown up :)

In the picture with him is his best friend Tyler and their girlfriend Isabella.

I cried of course. Just thinking about Carson growing up and being a BIG boy now! I have such aspirations for him. I can't wait to see all that he will be in the future.

We had a very successful year with Carson so congrats to him!!!!

I'm am not sure how I got so lucky :)

Today was a good day for me! I asked myself why are people so nice to me? I received a monogrammed nightshirt from my best friend of 24 years. It was so sweet and I had tears in my eyes when I opened the package. Most of the friends I have are friends for life. I am so thankful for them all. I think it's so cool we can stay close even though we live far away. I have a friend in Arkansas whom I have not seen in SIX years but, we talk on the phone and still laugh and carry on like we are the best of friends.

I can't thank my family and friends enough for all the love and support you constantly give me.

So, after the bubble machine tonight which was tons of fun, I decided to take Bella for a quick walk. When I got home there was a gift in the living room for me. My friend Cindy had gone out and got me these beautiful tea mugs that are AWESOME. We went to a baby shower a few weekends ago and I was talking about how much I love tea and I usually have it every night before I go to bed....decaf of course. My tea tonight tasted extra yummy :)

I also had a message today from my ob/gyn doctor who just wanted to see how I was doing. Just checking in with me! Wow, that was impressive!

So, thank you to everyone who has made me feel so special. I am not just talking about gifts and things. I mostly mean the phone calls, emails, comments on the blog, cards, the constant support you give me everyday. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. OK, I am getting all teary-eyed and can't see now ;(

Thank you so much, I am feeling the love :)
Suzanne

Postponed and paranoid!

My new surgery date is June 17th :) I was really upset this morning but, better now :) I am ready to get this party started! I have a life and want to get back to it.

So, not sure if you can relate to this but ever since I got the "cancer" club card, I feel paranoid. I have an ache somewhere and I think.... Oh NO, it's cancer. I have this "thing" on my chin and I think, great it's spreading!! ARRGHHH!! I have fear that waiting longer for surgery will give Mr. Cancer a chance to move into other parts of my body.

Does this go on forever? I hate it! It's so frustrating :( Today....not such a good day for me....

OH Boy! Here we go

Well, the doctor's office called today stating they were trying to contact our insurance company to pre-authorize my surgery for Tuesday. HA HA HA Guess what???? When she called they told the lady that our coverage is going run out on June 1st.

Brian does not officially start his new job until June 2nd! SOOOO the surgery might have to be rescheduled if we don't get all the information we need by Monday.

This is not really anyone's fault...just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.
It's just transition and sometimes it's not easy. I am just happy Bri has a new job ;)

Have a great weekend!

Cancer "LITE"

I guess if you are going to get cancer, this is the kind you want to get! My metastatic work-up (which totaled $8,290) was all negative! WOO HOO!

Next step is surgery to remove any remaining cancer tissue and to do a sentinel node biopsy. Not sure how many nodes that includes but I am sure I won't miss them too much. SO, if the biopsy is NEG then they will send a part of my tumor off to sunny California for a spa day..no just kidding. IT goes off for an oncotype, which is an assay of the tumor to see the likely hood of recurrence. If that test is still NEG then, probably NO CHEMO :) So, I cut my hair off for nothing :) Naa, I love my new summer doo!

If the nodes and or oncotype are POS, then chemo is for sure :( I have already mentally told myself I am going to have it so if I don't then that is even better.

I will still get radiation and the Dr. even mentioned a pill called Tamoxifen for 5 years. When I told her I did not like what I had read about this drug and it's side effects she basically said, "too bad". It reduces the chances of your cancer spreading and reoccurring by 30-50%. It also gives you the nice menopausal side effects such as hot flashes, joint pain, weight gain, and I'm sure some other fun things as well.

I really like my Doctor! I think that it is so important to trust the person who you are basically given your life to and saying ...here ya go, take care of me! She has a fabulous sense of humor and she is from TEXAS! Now, that was the real deal sealer right there. YEEE HAWWWWW

Mastectomy is still a ?, I am going to go to a support group and talk to some other club members and see what has worked for them. I definitely don't want to have to go through this again. OH and get this, instead of implants....she could take tissue out of my stomach to reconstruct a new BOOB(s)! WHOA, how cool is that.
Much better than the thought of implants for me.

SO, today was good :) I am so thankful for the news today. My husband is the best support in all this. He makes sure we have the "folder" and takes all the notes for me. I could not do this without him.
Thanks toots :)

TO everyone who called and wrote to me today....thank you so much. It means the world to me to have so many that care about me.

Today

I am going to the Doctor at 11:30 eastern time....so stay tuned......hopefully more news today :)

Memorial Day

So much to be thankful for today. Can't wait until Wednesday...the wait is starting to get to me. Let's just get the ball rolling so I can start this.

Hope everyone had a great day! Count your blessings, I know I have. It's great to still go to parties and BBQs and not have to talk about it. Most people that were there today did not know and it was great. Sometimes I feel like I have a big C on my forehead.

It was good today. The focus was on fun and kids and good food. NOT ME!!! Thanks to John and Cheryl for a fun day!

The Perfect Beach Day

Have you ever experienced this? It is THE BEST!! The temperature was in the 70s and the sky was a perfect blue. We watched some older boys skim boarding and some surfers too. Brooke took to the sand right away and played like a champ. I told Brian, what would we do if our kid did not like the beach, and he said....then that would not be our kid :) She did NOT like the hat so I had to find one I could tie to her head. Carson found some friends and they tried to dig a hole to china. What a nice and relaxing way to spend a day. When it all goes smoothly, the beach can be a real treat :)

I appreciate living here much more in the summer...duh, you think???

SO, it's funny now everyone is asking me "how are you feeling?"...ummm fine why, how are you feeling??? I honestly don't feel a bit different than I did before April 29th :) I do worry about the day I will feel like crap and not want to get out of bed. I don't want to go through all that. But, in the long run I don't know what I will feel like. Everyone is different and we don't even really know the extent of treatment yet.

So, thanks for asking and I feel great! Don't worry I will start complaining when I don't feel well. IF you know me at all you know I don't hide my feelings and I don't mind letting everyone know what is going on with me.

I was told to celebrate today!!

I was told today that my genetic test came back and were all NEGATIVE!! The nurse told me this was the best news we could ask for. So, if that is the case, then why don't I feel like celebrating?
I know this is GOOD news and it means I don't HAVE to have a radical mastectomy (although I am still considering that route) and I can keep my ovaries. I told Brian, COOL.....we can have more babies. I don't think he liked that answer :) Still, it's nice to keep your parts, don't you think?

I have an appointment with the Doctor on 5/28 instead of June so the sooner the better. I will weigh all my options and see what is best for me and my family :) It seems to me that no matter what, genetics or not, the goal is to get rid of Mr. Cancer and make sure he does not come knocking again. I will do whatever that takes!

The question now is if it is not genetic, then how did I get it????? Hmmmmm something to think about.

I am thankful again for the good news and hope to hear more of that in the future ;)

It's Talky Blog Time ;)

TGIF! I don't think so ;)

I started my journey today at 7:30 and did not pull in the driveway until 3:30! I have to say it's all about the techs, nurses, and docs that you deal with that make this tolerable or make you just miserable. I started the day off waiting and waiting :( I know, I understand that. I used to make patients wait for hours and apologize for it. It's still different when it's you!!! So, then Joel the Nuclear Med Tech comes to get me and shines a little light on things. My neighbor Becky says "some people have a BOOK", meaning some folks get how to make the best out of life and have a sense of humor and some don't. We joke that some people have chapters and there are some that have not even gone to the library. Anyway, Joel had the book and we joked a bit and he gave me an IV with some nice contrast. I then proceeded to CT for and found that Jill the tech/nurse there also had the book. Great sense of humor and just a pleasant experience. The warm fuzzy feeling you get for about 30 seconds was worth the whole day in itself :) Continuing on I had an ECG sitting down (weird), blood work, and chest X-ray. Finally, I had the bone scan which took about 30 minutes strapped down to a table and a square thing coming right at you in the face. I got to see my bladder all lit up like a Christmas tree. It was a lot to endure but all and all was not too bad.

I then proceeded to the next appt with a radiation oncologist! I had a consult visit at 1:30! Ok, I was so impressed that I had the above tests in all that time to make it for a 1:30 appt across town. I thought I would never make it and it all just fell into place.

The Dr. definately had a book and he was super. He did not have all the answers but gave me more info than I have rec'd in this whole process. So, it's gonna go like this:
Surgery: either radical mastectomy or just conservative reconstruction after more tissure is taken out! Plus, a sentinel node biopsy to check the lymph nodes for any disease.
Chemo: unsure of type but probably to last up to 3 to 6 months
Radiation: about 5 weeks everyday :) No pain and I get nice paint marks on my body! LOL

The whole process I was told would take about 6.5 months, give or take! It's all going to be OK and I know I can do this! I am ready to put on my game face and KICK SOME CANCER BUTT!!!! I never imagined going through all this but, I definately thinks it makes you a stronger person in the long run.

What Cancer Cannot Do

I saw this on someone's BLOG and LOVED IT:

What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so limited.
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot erode faith.
It cannot destroy peace.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot suppress memories.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot erode the spirit.
It cannot conquer the soul.

Knowledge is Power!

My great friend Tom who lives in CA and is in Nursing school sent me 8 books, YES EIGHT books!!!  I was sooo excited.  Brian had already given me one too!  Boy, with all this literature, I have a lot of catching up to do :)  I can't wait to dig my heels into these books and see what I can figure out.  I have read a lot online and it sometimes makes me crazy.  Seeing all the people with their bald heads! 

 So, last night I was plucking out my grays, and I was really appreciating EVERY hair I was picking out!  I was thinking in the back of my head that one day I might wish I could even pluck ONE hair on my head.  It's too soon to tell.  Maybe I will be the one who doesn't have to lose my hair:)  maybe just maybe!

I found out about the PET scan.  The nurse called me and told me that some cases require you have it and some don't.  At this point in time mine does not.  Maybe after the other tests it might, but for now no PET scan.

Friday is hospital day...WOO HOO.  I am having CT scan, Bone scan, Chest x-ray, ECG, blood work and topped off with a nice visit to the radiation doc!  COOL, huh?  It's weird to be a patient when for so long I've been on the opposite side.  I appreciate nurses better and truly understand the "waiting" for everything.  At least I have some great reading material for the wait!  Thanks Tom :) and you too B!