OH Boy! Here we go

Well, the doctor's office called today stating they were trying to contact our insurance company to pre-authorize my surgery for Tuesday. HA HA HA Guess what???? When she called they told the lady that our coverage is going run out on June 1st.

Brian does not officially start his new job until June 2nd! SOOOO the surgery might have to be rescheduled if we don't get all the information we need by Monday.

This is not really anyone's fault...just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.
It's just transition and sometimes it's not easy. I am just happy Bri has a new job ;)

Have a great weekend!

Cancer "LITE"

I guess if you are going to get cancer, this is the kind you want to get! My metastatic work-up (which totaled $8,290) was all negative! WOO HOO!

Next step is surgery to remove any remaining cancer tissue and to do a sentinel node biopsy. Not sure how many nodes that includes but I am sure I won't miss them too much. SO, if the biopsy is NEG then they will send a part of my tumor off to sunny California for a spa day..no just kidding. IT goes off for an oncotype, which is an assay of the tumor to see the likely hood of recurrence. If that test is still NEG then, probably NO CHEMO :) So, I cut my hair off for nothing :) Naa, I love my new summer doo!

If the nodes and or oncotype are POS, then chemo is for sure :( I have already mentally told myself I am going to have it so if I don't then that is even better.

I will still get radiation and the Dr. even mentioned a pill called Tamoxifen for 5 years. When I told her I did not like what I had read about this drug and it's side effects she basically said, "too bad". It reduces the chances of your cancer spreading and reoccurring by 30-50%. It also gives you the nice menopausal side effects such as hot flashes, joint pain, weight gain, and I'm sure some other fun things as well.

I really like my Doctor! I think that it is so important to trust the person who you are basically given your life to and saying ...here ya go, take care of me! She has a fabulous sense of humor and she is from TEXAS! Now, that was the real deal sealer right there. YEEE HAWWWWW

Mastectomy is still a ?, I am going to go to a support group and talk to some other club members and see what has worked for them. I definitely don't want to have to go through this again. OH and get this, instead of implants....she could take tissue out of my stomach to reconstruct a new BOOB(s)! WHOA, how cool is that.
Much better than the thought of implants for me.

SO, today was good :) I am so thankful for the news today. My husband is the best support in all this. He makes sure we have the "folder" and takes all the notes for me. I could not do this without him.
Thanks toots :)

TO everyone who called and wrote to me today....thank you so much. It means the world to me to have so many that care about me.

Today

I am going to the Doctor at 11:30 eastern time....so stay tuned......hopefully more news today :)

Memorial Day

So much to be thankful for today. Can't wait until Wednesday...the wait is starting to get to me. Let's just get the ball rolling so I can start this.

Hope everyone had a great day! Count your blessings, I know I have. It's great to still go to parties and BBQs and not have to talk about it. Most people that were there today did not know and it was great. Sometimes I feel like I have a big C on my forehead.

It was good today. The focus was on fun and kids and good food. NOT ME!!! Thanks to John and Cheryl for a fun day!

The Perfect Beach Day

Have you ever experienced this? It is THE BEST!! The temperature was in the 70s and the sky was a perfect blue. We watched some older boys skim boarding and some surfers too. Brooke took to the sand right away and played like a champ. I told Brian, what would we do if our kid did not like the beach, and he said....then that would not be our kid :) She did NOT like the hat so I had to find one I could tie to her head. Carson found some friends and they tried to dig a hole to china. What a nice and relaxing way to spend a day. When it all goes smoothly, the beach can be a real treat :)

I appreciate living here much more in the summer...duh, you think???

SO, it's funny now everyone is asking me "how are you feeling?"...ummm fine why, how are you feeling??? I honestly don't feel a bit different than I did before April 29th :) I do worry about the day I will feel like crap and not want to get out of bed. I don't want to go through all that. But, in the long run I don't know what I will feel like. Everyone is different and we don't even really know the extent of treatment yet.

So, thanks for asking and I feel great! Don't worry I will start complaining when I don't feel well. IF you know me at all you know I don't hide my feelings and I don't mind letting everyone know what is going on with me.

I was told to celebrate today!!

I was told today that my genetic test came back and were all NEGATIVE!! The nurse told me this was the best news we could ask for. So, if that is the case, then why don't I feel like celebrating?
I know this is GOOD news and it means I don't HAVE to have a radical mastectomy (although I am still considering that route) and I can keep my ovaries. I told Brian, COOL.....we can have more babies. I don't think he liked that answer :) Still, it's nice to keep your parts, don't you think?

I have an appointment with the Doctor on 5/28 instead of June so the sooner the better. I will weigh all my options and see what is best for me and my family :) It seems to me that no matter what, genetics or not, the goal is to get rid of Mr. Cancer and make sure he does not come knocking again. I will do whatever that takes!

The question now is if it is not genetic, then how did I get it????? Hmmmmm something to think about.

I am thankful again for the good news and hope to hear more of that in the future ;)

It's Talky Blog Time ;)

TGIF! I don't think so ;)

I started my journey today at 7:30 and did not pull in the driveway until 3:30! I have to say it's all about the techs, nurses, and docs that you deal with that make this tolerable or make you just miserable. I started the day off waiting and waiting :( I know, I understand that. I used to make patients wait for hours and apologize for it. It's still different when it's you!!! So, then Joel the Nuclear Med Tech comes to get me and shines a little light on things. My neighbor Becky says "some people have a BOOK", meaning some folks get how to make the best out of life and have a sense of humor and some don't. We joke that some people have chapters and there are some that have not even gone to the library. Anyway, Joel had the book and we joked a bit and he gave me an IV with some nice contrast. I then proceeded to CT for and found that Jill the tech/nurse there also had the book. Great sense of humor and just a pleasant experience. The warm fuzzy feeling you get for about 30 seconds was worth the whole day in itself :) Continuing on I had an ECG sitting down (weird), blood work, and chest X-ray. Finally, I had the bone scan which took about 30 minutes strapped down to a table and a square thing coming right at you in the face. I got to see my bladder all lit up like a Christmas tree. It was a lot to endure but all and all was not too bad.

I then proceeded to the next appt with a radiation oncologist! I had a consult visit at 1:30! Ok, I was so impressed that I had the above tests in all that time to make it for a 1:30 appt across town. I thought I would never make it and it all just fell into place.

The Dr. definately had a book and he was super. He did not have all the answers but gave me more info than I have rec'd in this whole process. So, it's gonna go like this:
Surgery: either radical mastectomy or just conservative reconstruction after more tissure is taken out! Plus, a sentinel node biopsy to check the lymph nodes for any disease.
Chemo: unsure of type but probably to last up to 3 to 6 months
Radiation: about 5 weeks everyday :) No pain and I get nice paint marks on my body! LOL

The whole process I was told would take about 6.5 months, give or take! It's all going to be OK and I know I can do this! I am ready to put on my game face and KICK SOME CANCER BUTT!!!! I never imagined going through all this but, I definately thinks it makes you a stronger person in the long run.

What Cancer Cannot Do

I saw this on someone's BLOG and LOVED IT:

What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so limited.
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot erode faith.
It cannot destroy peace.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot suppress memories.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot erode the spirit.
It cannot conquer the soul.

Knowledge is Power!

My great friend Tom who lives in CA and is in Nursing school sent me 8 books, YES EIGHT books!!!  I was sooo excited.  Brian had already given me one too!  Boy, with all this literature, I have a lot of catching up to do :)  I can't wait to dig my heels into these books and see what I can figure out.  I have read a lot online and it sometimes makes me crazy.  Seeing all the people with their bald heads! 

 So, last night I was plucking out my grays, and I was really appreciating EVERY hair I was picking out!  I was thinking in the back of my head that one day I might wish I could even pluck ONE hair on my head.  It's too soon to tell.  Maybe I will be the one who doesn't have to lose my hair:)  maybe just maybe!

I found out about the PET scan.  The nurse called me and told me that some cases require you have it and some don't.  At this point in time mine does not.  Maybe after the other tests it might, but for now no PET scan.

Friday is hospital day...WOO HOO.  I am having CT scan, Bone scan, Chest x-ray, ECG, blood work and topped off with a nice visit to the radiation doc!  COOL, huh?  It's weird to be a patient when for so long I've been on the opposite side.  I appreciate nurses better and truly understand the "waiting" for everything.  At least I have some great reading material for the wait!  Thanks Tom :) and you too B!

What a yucky day!

YOU CALL THIS SPRING????  It's 50 degrees and raining at the beach today :(  I did not want to even get out of the house.  Carson's class had a Mother's Day Tea!  It was really sweet and Carson sang songs and made some really cute things like a napkin ring, a placemat and a cute pic of me, when my hair was long he informs me :)  If I could have one single wish during all this crap, it would be that he would not see me sick.  I don't want him to remember his Mommy  like that and I don't even know how to tell a 6 year old ( and a smart one at that) how and what Mommy is going through.  I know, I am worrying about something that has not happened yet.  

Here are some pictures from our day :)

To My Mom

TO MY MOM:

Happy Mother's Day to YOU!  Thank you for all your love and support.

You are the best and I am so thankful to have a Mom like you.

Happy Mother's Day

Brian and I had "date night" tonight!! WOO HOO :)  We went out to dinner to one of our favorite local spots.  It was nice to just sit and talk without any distractions.  We then proceeded to the mall for some MOMMY SHOPPING.  Brian bought me the most beautiful watch!  I have included a photo for your enjoyment.  I was so excited to have a nice watch again.  I've been wearing my sport watches for so long.  We skipped Bella Monte this time but, I promise I will make it up to you Hunni Bunni!  A great day today.  It's so weird to feel so good and know that in a matter of months my whole body and outlook will change.  I don't want to be sick ;(  I just don't get it.  I was looking on a site called Planet Cancer and reading some incredible stories.  They make mine look like a walk in the park.  I can do this, I can be brave and make it.  So many others have it worse and they are still surviving with attitude too!  

Going to bed now.....

The Husband

Brian has officially quit his job with Avatech Solutions, his company of 7 years. :)  We now start a new chapter in our lives  He will be working from his home office and we could not be more thrilled.   I think this will be huge in the months to come for our family.  It will take me some time to get used to the idea that he will no longer go to an actual office.  WE have quite a good set up here at home and should not bump into each other unless he comes down to pester me :) HA HA!!!

Brian is very excited to start a new job and I know he will do well with it.

We have the same insurance carrier and have checked out all the ins and outs regarding my upcoming care.  Everything should go without a hitch, or at least we hope.  We are paying quite a bit less a month for coverage which will be nice.  I just hate insurance companies and all that mess.  Just keep us in your thoughts and hope that we all get through this transition without too much grief.  

We went to the spring carnival at Carson's school tonight and it was tons of fun :)  It's cute to see all the boys with their long surfer hair and Carson fitting right in, since his hair is longer than mine I think.  He has asked me why I have been going to the doctor so much and I told him that "Mommy had a boo boo and I had to get it fixed".  Eventually when the time is right, I will explain what is going on.  It's way too soon for all that.  Sometimes I still feel like this is a dream or nightmare and that I will wake up and it will all be OK again.

The big question of the day has been whether or not to do a partial or total mastectomy?  Too soon to tell.  I think that I would like TWO new ta ta's ....not just one :)  Kinda unfair to have the 2008 model on the left and the old clunker on the right.  I think Momma needs a new set, don't you?  I have to have a sense of humor....sorry.

I feel great today and am blessed to have that :)   

Brooke

This is Brooke last weekend when we went strawberry picking.  She had so much fun!  The shirt has been worn by Meredith, Grant, Carson, and now Brooke :)  I hope the strawberry juice stains come out!  This is what puts a smile on my face everyday!!

I am too tired

It's been such a long day and my brain hurts from too much information.  The good news is the cancer has not spread to the right breast and lymph nodes.  I am going to expect the most aggressive treatments: radiation, chemo, mastectomy and whatever else is thrown my way.  If I have to do less then I will be happy.  Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.  I am off to bed.  I love my husband.  He has been the most wonderful support through all this...he takes a pad and pen to every appointment, takes notes and asks questions.  I could not ask for anyone to care more than he does.  I am the luckiest wife in the world!!  

I am waiting for the genetic testing results and then I will know more.

HairCut!

Today I got a haircut.  Actually, I had all of them cut!!

I just need some answers

Today I got a call from my Gyn doc and she said she was going to help me with all this and that was a real load off my shoulders.  There is nothing better than having Dr's work for you and help you out in this kind of  situation.  She said that my biopsy report said I have "ductal carcinoma". You would think that the surgeon would have shared that information.   SO, of course I google that and try and figure out what that means.  Yea, it still depends on so many other things I guess.  I saw the word mastectomy a lot and got kinda scared.  That will be really hard if the girls have to be altered in any way.  They have already been through enough don't you think?  I feel good and really don't have many complaints.  My family and home life are so great right now and I feel so lucky to have all my friends.  I appreciate calls and well wishes too.  

I have my MRI at 12 pm tomorrow.  More to come...it's gonna be a bumpy ride so stayed tuned :)

Let's get caught up!

To make a long story short: About a month ago I found a HUGE lump in my left breast, went to the doctor and they said I needed a mammogram and to see a surgeon.  So, I saw the surgeon, had the mammy and a sonogram.  No one seemed to be worried at this point.  SOOO I was told, "when in doubt, take it out".  On April 29th I had the "lump" removed in a pretty simple procedure.  I was home by noon and feeling pretty good..thanks to some good pills too :)  At 3:30 the surgeon called.  I found it strange she was calling in the first place.  Usually nurses call to check on you.  She said when she took it out, that lump, it did not look right and sent it right away to pathology.  SO and she said very quietly...you indeed have Breast Cancer!  I froze...what? me? wow? holy shit!  I don't have time for cancer I thought!  

Ok so that is the first part of my story.......